Finding Friends in Foreign Lands
The adventure continues
It’s 18ºC/65ºF outside. It should be colder and wetter for this time of year, but there’s a “heat wave” in Europe right now. Life’s just handing me glass after glass of lemonade. I’m sure there will be weather lemons at some point…
What’s on (the sun) deck for this week?
Making Connections in a New Place
Bureaucracy Bazaar
Love is In The Air (literally)
So, what are we waiting for?
Finding Friends in Foreign Lands
Making friends gets harder the older you get. We knew that it would be even tougher to make new, meaningful connections in a completely new country.
The majority of our great friendships were founded over a decade (or longer) ago, back when life was easier, nobody had kids, and everyone had more social energy. We always lived in the PacNW so we never had to go through this before.
Hilary has been networking for the past couple of months and has started to make the kind of connections that blossom into group chats, afternoon park walks, and occasional vegan dinner meetups. We’re not talking about ugly-cry, deep emotional support relationships, but proper socialization.
I, on the other hand, have had my head in a laptop working or my ass on the saddle of a bike, exploring the land. So making friends has been down my list a bit.
About a month ago, I realized that if I didn’t start somewhere, I’d get nowhere. And if I just ride Hilary’s coattails, the extent of my social life will be all-female vegan meetups. This isn’t a bad thing, per se, but it doesn’t fill my social cup to the brim.
So within the past two weeks, I’ve attended a couple of meetups under my own power: one with all unknown people at an expat bar, and another with a group of folks we met on a boat cruise in December.
I’m also starting to plug myself into the bike community here. As much as I enjoy autonomy, it doesn’t have to be a solo sport.
So far, it’s been fun. I’ve met a range of people and we all have some things in common - we’re expats, we left our home country for a good reason, and we all decided to come to the same place. Beyond that, it’s like being an adolescent again, facing the daunting task of navigating a whole new social scene, with myriad personalities.
A little effort has paid out some fine social dividends, and I look forward to digging deeper. Maybe I’ll even get a dude’s group chat going soon? 🤞
Bureaucracy Bazaar
As I mentioned in my last newsletter, I had an appointment at the Loja de Cidadão last Friday to get my NISS (social security number). Wow, what an experience.
Imagine a cool food hall like Pine Street Market in Portland, where you can go to one place and try food from a variety of your favorite local restaurants with friends. Except instead of friends and great food, it’s all your favorite bureaucracies! And it’s not fun at all.
There are little outlets of each bureaucracy (utilities, immigration, finanças, criminal records, ISS, citizen space, etc) with numbers hanging over each counter spot. Video monitors adorn the walls telling you which number is up at which desk at which agency, with constant bings and dings as the numbers change.
Throngs of thoroughly bureaucratized people sit listlessly in chairs gazing at the monitors with glazed-over looks just waiting for their golden chance to get their turn with a bureaucrat.
I arrived an hour early, hoping I might jump the line. Also, I had another task to accomplish at this office, so at worst I could get the clock ticking on that while waiting for ISS.
Did I get called early? HAHAHAHA…NO. Of course not. My number came up exactly on time. Fortunately it only took about five minutes to complete my transaction.
Afterward, I walked over to the other desk and within a few minutes my number was up (the one I pulled an hour and 10 minutes earlier). Just like that, my second task was complete.
Check and check. Next up, the DMV…
Love is in the Air
The warm weather has brought with it a flash of color in the form of magnolia and other blooming trees. I’m no expert on seasonal timelines here, but February seems early for that.
It’s not just the trees, though. We have a large back patio and every morning the upstairs neighbors rain bread down on our porch, setting off a bird party of seagulls and pigeons. It’s entertainment while we sip our coffee.
Within the past week, the action has taken a ribald turn, from fighting over bread to lots of posturing, posing, and preening. Of course, the seagulls still make a shitload of noise.
Down along the waterfront, the adorable little black-headed gulls have put their masks back on, which only happens during the breeding season. They look pretty cool with their new do.
Why am I sharing all this?
Because HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY, that’s why. At least the birds on our patio are making life connections…
All week I’ve had this Chill Tracks playlist by Spotify on repeat. It’s my deep-house/chillwave jam for focused computer work and biking along the coastline. Enjoy!
What are you in love with these days?
Thanks, as always, for reading along!
With your fun personally I don’t worry about you two making new friends anywhere. But it certainly is true it is harder to make friends as you get older. Wait till you are as ancient as us!! It is also hard to keep friends back home. Far from the eyes, far from the heart as they say. Good luck making and growing new connections. Just remember others are in the same boat.